The New ME!!!!

I am becoming a new me!  This is so exciting because I have been trapped in this crazy brain of my for years and I am finally beginning to break free and reach the surface.  If you had asked me a year ago if it was possible to feel happy and looking forward to what is to come, most of the time I would probably told you it wasn't.  Now I am finally there and I am starting to see that my life can be much different than it is and that change is possible.  This past week I took a trip to Disneyland with my mom and sister.  I think this trip is a great example of the new me in action.  On the trip I did several things that really challenged me.  Most people would see these as kind of lame, normal everyday things, but to me they were huge scary things that held me captive for years, but are slowly loosening their grip.  One major thing I did was go to Disneyland for a little while by myself.  In the past I have had a really hard time doing anything alone if other people are in groups but I did it and I even went on a ride.  For a little I walked around uncomfortable but then I got it together and did a ride.  What I realized is that people probably didn't notice me at all and if they did they might have thought I was walking toward my group and if not, did it really matter what they thought? (The answer is no by the way!)  In line for the bathroom I asked some ladies if they were waiting, they told me no.  Later I started beating myself up for it, "I should have know they weren't in line, that was dumb to ask, they probably think I am so odd" were all thoughts that ran through my head.  This time however rather than dwelling on these ideas and letting myself come to the conclusion that I had messed up big time, I stopped the thoughts dead in their tracks told them they were liars and moved on to something else.  (Just what my therapy tells me to do!)  It felt good to not beat myself up and later my mom told me she had noticed me asking and thought that was a good idea and she would have done the same.  The last big thing that happened was flying home.  We drove there but I had to fly home and that is a huge anxiety trigger for me (It is the security that does it).  Anyway I was a little nervous before hand but managed to keep it under control and when it came time to enter the line I kept myself mostly calm.  In the line it became clear that I would be going through the body scanner which is the main thing that causes my anxiety of security, I went through (this time without shaking, which did not happen the first and only other time I had done it), and I did get stopped and they had to check my pocket but it was all ok and they let me go on my way.  The whole thing was not as bad as I thought and although my brain still jumps to "oh you just got lucky this time, it will be bad next time"  I have the potential of using this situation to make huge progress.  I just need to work on my thinking and not let it drag me back down.